Throwback Thursday: When Deepika Padukone spoke about her depression — 'My breath was shallow and I broke down often'

If not the most sought after actresses, Deepika Padukone will always be remembered as one of the bravest Bollywood celebs, who let the world know about her clinical depression when she was at the peak of her career. She not only broke the silence and stigma around mental health issues, but also used her social status to help others struggling with depression through The Live Love Laugh Foundation. "If I can impact one life in this entire process of speaking up and letting people know that it's something I have been through and something that I could deal with because I had a fantastic support system (then I'll try)," stated Deepika as her aim in her 2015 interview with Barkha Dutt.

Deepika had everything that she had desired. From immense fame to being touted as the highest paid actress in Bollywood, the Bengaluru girl had fulfilled her every dream after shifting to Mumbai to pursue her career in the film industry. But one morning, in early 2014, she woke up feeling different. She had fainted and felt a strange emptiness in her stomach a day earlier.

"I thought it was stress, so I tried to distract myself by focusing on work, and surrounding myself with people, which helped for a while. But the nagging feeling didn't go away. My breath was shallow, I suffered from lack of concentration and I broke down often. Over a period of time, it got worse. When my parents visited, I would put up a brave front because they were worried about me living alone and working long hours. Then, once, while talking to my mother (Ujjala Padukone), I broke down. She realised the problem, and got in touch with a psychologist friend, Anna Chandy, to get to the root of the cause," said Deepika Padukone, describing her situation to Hindustan Times in a 2015 interview.

It was during this time, when Deepika was shooting for Happy New Year's climax. Finally, one day, she got a chance to bare her heart out to her Anna aunty and after having a word with her, she concluded that the actress was suffering from anxiety and depression. She was resistant when her Anna aunty suggested she take medication. She thought counselling was enough to relax her mind and make her feel better. Sometime later, she also took a second opinion from another psychologist, Dr. Shyam Bhatt, in Bengaluru about her condition.

"There were days when I would feel okay, but at times, within a day, there was a roller-coaster of feelings. Finally, I accepted my condition. The counselling helped, but only to an extent. Then, I took medication, and today I am much better," Deepika revealed, adding, "most of HNY was shot through this phase."

Before starting work with Shoojit Sircar on his next film, Deepika decided to give herself a much-needed break from all the stress both mental and physical. She flew to her hometown, Bengaluru, and spent time with her family over a two-month break. She soon started feeling much better. But she suffered a huge blow when she heard about a friend committing suicide due to anxiety and depression after she returned to Mumbai.

Her personal experience and her friend's tragic death urged her to talk about mental health issues, which has always been a hush-hush topic of discussion in our society. Deepika said that overcoming her depression only made her stronger. She subsequently felt liberated when she accepted her illness and talked about it. She also revealed that she had stopped taking medication.

"I feel that at times, the patient just wants to talk, and isn't seeking advice. But, well-wishers saying things like, 'Don't worry, it will all be alright,' might be detrimental. Being sad and being depressed are two different things. Also, people going through depression don't look so, while someone sad will look sad. The most common reaction is, 'How can you be depressed? You have everything going for you. You are the supposed number one heroine and have a plush home, car, movies What else do you want?' It's not about what you have or don't have. People talk about physical fitness, but mental health is equally important. I see people suffering, and their families feel a sense of shame about it, which doesn't help. One needs support and understanding," Deepika had concluded.

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